he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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