You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
