a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
