So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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