By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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