I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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