They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
