I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
