that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
