i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
