Yo dont text me then not text me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
third nipple confirmed
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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