I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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