I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
