Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
