My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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