oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just puked most of my soul out..
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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