I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
