Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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