Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
