Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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