im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
3 2 1 whiskey
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
