He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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