I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
