what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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