hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
