Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
