is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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