hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Semen is not good for contacts.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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