My girlfriend figured out who you are.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize