genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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