I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
PANTIES FOUND
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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