Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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