she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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