she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
