First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
