There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Randomize
