life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
