TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
