I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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