I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
