Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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