Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
