East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
