Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
