it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
