I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
