Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We have so much sex to catch up on
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
