you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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