That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I wish i was in the wii world.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
