Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Randomize
