Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
