hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
