Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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