i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
