i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
