oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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