Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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