I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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