so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
