Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
