So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
