I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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