I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
