Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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